LESSONS FROM PETS
Part 2

For all the wonderful, fulfilling experiences pets provide, there can be situations where the relationship between a child and his pet is unsuccessful. Examples include: the pet does not identify the child “as her person”, the relationship between a pet and child begins to change because the child does nothing to nurture the relationship; or the child may engage in unwanted behaviors with the pet and not understand why the pet wants nothing to do with her.

Each of these situations can parallel a child’s relationship with a playmate. In some cases who the pet “chooses” seems quite random. This happens with playmates as well. Not being chosen for a playmate is painful, yet it is a part of life. The pet’s behavior provides a picture for the child to see she did nothing to prevent the relationship with the pet – the pet just chose someone else. The relationship did not come together at that point in time.

Assisting your child in recognizing she is not responsible is very important. Taking the situation personally distorts the lesson being offered.

A different situation results when the child does not take responsibility for nurturing the relationship with the pet. Perhaps the relationship is taken for granted or even abused. The child is unhappy because his pet does not want to be with him.This too, can happen with a playmate. Questions to help increase your child’s awareness of his behavior include:

These situations allow you to create a space for your child to evaluate his behavior, recognizing he may not be doing his part with the relationship.

The power comes in asking the questions and remaining neutral to the child’s responses; the situation itself teaches. This is not the time to verbalize what your child is not doing. The following questions can shift the focus and help your child identify a positive action she can take to change the situation.

Building a foundation on which to discuss the skills and the art of friendship enables this type of discussion to occur more easily in the future. Pets can be very forgiving. They offer us an opportunity to change our behavior, to practice caring, to provide nurturing – to open our hearts.